​Back in January I shared “A Letter to Baby.”  In it was the letter I had originally written on July 9th, 2014 to our unknown future child.  At the time it was written Craig and I had no answers to the who, when, or how of this future little one.  When I shared it with you on the blog in January, Craig and I were six months into our adoption journey and waiting to be matched.  There were still so many unknowns, but we felt convicted that God had placed it on our hearts to grow our family.   
 
The letter was intended as a love note, but it was also a reminder to me that, even back then, God was providing.  Two years have passed since that letter was first written.  You may remember that I started my letter “Dear Isaac” and today, I write to you with Baby Isaac nestled up to me and a message of encouragement for you for what God has placed on your heart to do! 

​At our lunch with Birthmom, Craig and I had the opportunity to share the cards that our friends, family, co-workers, and strangers made back at the Burge Family Adoption Fundraiser.  Back in January, folks drew pictures, wrote sweet messages, and included their favorite scripture verses for Baby Burge.  There was so much love and excitement on those cards!  What an opportunity to share with Birthmom how loved this child was before we even knew who he was and what excitement there was that one day he’d be welcomed into the family!

Officially starting our adoption journey this past summer, I wasn’t sure what to think about birthmothers.  There was a part of me that struggled to understand them.  I had the thought early on that a baby would show up, maybe via stork even, and that was it.  I had forgotten or wanted to ignore a very important and special person in adoption: the birthmother.
 
I have grown so much in my understanding of birthmothers since then that I feel ashamed some times to think about my prior ignorance.  Today, I recognize them as special individuals and respect them for what they’re doing for their child.  My heart also goes out to birthmoms who are often misunderstood and devalued.  There is nothing that quite gets the Hulk in me fired up when I hear negative comments about birthmoms.
 
For me, I just didn’t know about birthmoms.  I was ignorant.  I lacked any awareness about birthmoms.  I was clueless.  And many of the opinions that Craig and I hear weekly demonstrate the same ignorance I was under. 

​I often daydream about our adoption.  I try to picture in my head what the birthmom and Baby will look like. I wonder what her name is.  I look forward to praying for her by name.  I wonder if Baby will be a he or she.  I wonder what Baby’s personality will be like.  In the waiting phase of adoption, there’s not much that Craig and I know about our growing family.  One day we’ll get a phone call from our agency that we’ve been matched.  Until then, this adoption story is full of unknowns.
 
All this daydreaming about our adoption got me thinking about adoption and its part in the Bible.  There are numerous examples in the Bible: Moses was adopted by Pharaoh’s daughter (Exodus 2).  Esther was adopted by her uncle, Mordecai (Esther 2).  Jesus was adopted by Joseph (Matthew 1).   And, as I became more familiar with adoption in scripture, I came to better understand the adoption story and God as the adoptive Father. 

I truly enjoy reading about the healing of the man born blind in John 9.  That sounds awful at first, but it’s not about the man being blind.  It’s about the healing of the man!  The disciples were with Jesus when they saw a man who was born blind.  They asked Jesus why this happened.  Was it the man’s sins? Was it his parents’ sins?  I love how Jesus responds.  He replies in verse 3 that “this happened so that the works of God might be displayed.”  A miracle happened when this man was healed.  God’s work was displayed in his life, those that witnessed, and just imagine, all the others that were told of this!

God has been displaying himself in our lives as well!  God has already done immeasurably more than we could ever imagine (Ephesians 3:20-21).  Craig and I continue to be surprised and impressed at how God has provided.  I started recording events during the adoption process.  It’s been overwhelming at times, but it is amazing to look back and realize how He has blessed us.   Some events record our progress through the steps of the adoption process, some events show the bumps in the road, and many more other share God’s blessings.  This list, I have no doubt is abridged, because God has done these and so much more than I can even recognize.

Craig and I were very prayerful and intentional in our prayers about growing our family.  We prayed for God’s will.  We prayed for his guidance and direction.  I wanted to be obedient to his will.  I wanted to take the right step.  Still, I felt like I was wrestling with questions that didn’t have answers. 

I couldn’t see the plan.  

I realize now, that I needed to listen.  I was the one who kept asking God: How? Why? And my favorite: When???  

You see, Craig and I knew we wanted to grow our family.  We felt compelled that God wanted us to grow our family, but things were not falling into place like I thought they should.  As a healthy type 1 diabetic, no matter how tightly managed, pregnancy is considered high risk for me.  My doctor wanted even tighter control, and everything I tried failed. Each time my lab work revealed I was healthy, but it was not quite good enough for pregnancy.  It was exhausting.  I’m a healthy eater, I’d think to myself. I workout. I ran a mini marathon for goodness sake. I take care of myself and manage my diabetes as best I can.  I got to the point of complete exhaustion. I didn’t understand God’s will.